Hey Ladies! Do you really want to get married?
Happy fabulous weekend again!
Yes, I’m back with my usual musing and today, I’ll be sharing something that’s been a brain breaker for me. This post stems from the numerous falsities we see everyday. I’m talking about couples who pose to be happy in the public’s eye while inside their homes, it’s a physical or mental warfare.
I’m also referring to the numerous planned or unplanned public proposals we see everyday on and offline. Most of these people get so carried away with the thrill of being spot on and just because, they don’t want to be left out of the numbers of ladies who’ve been publicly proposed to, they accept, or they don’t want to disgrace the guy proposing. They accept whilst panicking within them, wondering if they are ready for what’s to come. Some people rush out after 3 months, 6 months or 1 year.
But before I continue, here are some questions I want us to answer as honestly as possible. Let’s be real. Don’t be shy, don’t answer “nicely” or “sadly” because you’re scared someone who knows you will recognize you and talk about you.
Just let it out so we can all learn. If society, our family, friends, the church and all institutions that stands for “morality” didn’t deem it fit the norm for every young woman to get married at a certain age, would you ever consider getting married?
Would you ever consider sharing your time, your space, your secrets, your truths, your lies, your weakness, your strengths, your flaws, your perfections, your thoughts, your mind, your needs, your wants, your ambitions, your fears, your dreams, your achievements, your beauty, your body, your soul and your heart with just one person for the rest of your life?
For those of you who are already married; if you knew what you know now before you ever got married, if you knew who your spouse really is way before you ever married them, if you knew the reality of what it entails being a mother, a wife and a married woman, would you have ever gotten married??
I for one have thought about these questions in the past and currently, I’m still thinking about them because according to societal standards, I’m ripe for marriage. In the past; it was one of my key prayer points to get married at the age of 25. The plan was this;
- Get admission into school at the age of 18 (cos I finished secondary school at the age of 16)
- Graduate University at age 21
- Finish NYSC at age 22/23 (meet my husband in the process)
- Do my Masters between age 23/24
- Get married at age 25!
What a plan I had!
Sorry, it didn’t work out that way (don’t ask what happened) and strangely, I’m glad it didn’t cos I wouldn’t know the things I know now, I probably wouldn’t be a blogger, I probably wouldn’t be doing what I want to do now, I probably would be nursing a mini me or doing God knows what. I don’t know but I’m glad I’m not yet married. Sounds weird right? You might be thinking, “how can she be 28, still unmarried but yet happy?” or “she’s just consoling herself cos she’s almost late”. Lol.
That’s totally not the case here. This is a case of finding the self , the exhilarating feeling of self discovery, the joy of setting new priorities plus working towards new goals for a great future.
I’ve given much thought about the questions I asked and the truth is, it’s tough. Marriage isn’t just a decision you make because you have butterflies in your tummy. It’s not about your instincts telling you to “just do it”. We know it’s not about society pressurizing you to “hurry up and settle down!”. Is it about your family comparing you to “your mates who already have three kids while you’re still stewing in the old maid’s room”. It’s not about what people generally say or will say about your time and status. It’s basically all about YOU.
- The fact that YOU will need to be mentally, emotionally, psychologically and financially (realistically, to some extent) prepared to be involved in such a commitment.
- YOU will be the one giving your ALL to someone as well as taking on that person’s ALL too.
- It will be YOU shedding yourself to create an entirely new YOU for a new set of people.
- YOU will be the one giving up your body for housing and producing new helpless beings that’ll be dependent on your sanity to exist
- YOU will have to learn to become the manager of a micro community of persons called “family”. Are you ready for this?
I have a married friend in her early thirties who would always say that she wished she had waited just a little bit more before settling down. According to her, it’s sweet the first one year, then afterwards, you start seeing things you never knew that your partner had. And sometimes when you feel like running back to your old self, your family and society reminds you that you had sworn to remain there for better for worse.
If you ever even considered a divorce, the stigma of becoming a single mother would have demoralized you before you even started thinking about the hardship that awaits you outside your home . She would also complain about her body which had changed so much since birthing her kids. For her, she thought she was ready for the change but after having two kids, she realized there was no going back.
She’s doing pretty great for herself but marriage has a million ways of taking you unawares. What you think isn’t what you end up getting, forget the WOW things you see on TV and on the internet. But all the same, it’s different strokes for different folks. Her story might be this way but other ladies might have a different tale to tell, who knows?
So if you ask me if I really want to get married and have kids, I’ll say yes BUT, I want to be mentally, emotionally and psychologically prepared for 2such a commitment. I want to be able to come to terms with the fact that my body will become a safe haven to a person or persons, I want to do it on my own terms, and not because there is pressure from anywhere or anyone and I think these things are key before taking such a leap in life.
So; to all single ladies, considering the few things stated here, DO YOU REALLY WANT TO GET MARRIED?
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