Morning.

I woke up this morning feeling terribly nauseous. My night was restless cos I had been feverish. I checked for the time; it was just 7 am. I tried standing up to go to the bathroom but I felt really light headed and dizzy so I relaxed back on the bed. I turn on the Tv just for some distraction from the way I was feeling but before I knew it, I saw myself on the floor of my bathroom throwing up. By the time I was done, I was too weak to get up. I stayed there for some time and dosed off cos the spasm kept shaking me up and I kept throwing up.

……………..

Noon

I open my eyes to find myself on my bed. There was a cool towel on my fore head, Mom was beside me muttering some prayers under her breath, Tinu was just ushering the kids out of my room while Darey was seated opposite my bed and watching me intently. Our eyes met and he immediately stood up with his stethoscope. Mom noticed the movements and she as well quickly turned to face me whilst thanking God audibly now.

“Oluwa ese o! Lola, bawo ni ara e nsi?  (Thank you God! Lola, how are you feeling now)?”
I tried sitting up as I replied. “o re mi Mami.  (I’m tired) What happened?” I asked
“I found you collapsed on your bathroom floor after waiting for you to come out all morning. Oh! Thanks to God, you’re alright” she was touching my head with the back of her hand
“All morning?!” I asked feeling too weak to express how baffled I was. I checked the wall clock, it was 2 pm.

Darey who had been standing aside and watching us talk cleared his throat “Ehem. Mami, please go and prepare pepper soup for her while I do another checkup on her. Don’t worry, she’ll be alright”
“Ok. Lola, mo pa da bo. (I’m coming back) Let me go and prepare the food”
I nodded then she left.

Darey inserted the stethoscope in his ears and started checking my pulse. Afterwards, he sat at the foot of the bed looking at me as if waiting for a signal to talk. I was looking at him warily as well then tired of the mind games we were playing, I broke the silence.

“Alright, what is it?”
He ignored the acidic tone I used and answered “What did you eat yesterday Lola?”
“Fried rice and shrimps. Why?”
He was quiet as he took notes on his tab.
“Do you think I had food poisoning? Cos if it’s the shrimps, it was properly cooked”
He stopped and looked at me, sighed and then said, “No Lola, you didn’t have food poisoning, you’re pregnant. You should avoid eating shrimps again.”

My jaw dropped down. It’s not true, it can’t be, it’s impossible. I laughed hysterically. Darey was looking at me like I was crazy.

“Listen Dr. Darey Adeola, I had food poisoning, I passed out, I’m awake now and I’m alright. Thank you but you’re wrong.”
Darey shook his head “Lola, you’re pregnant and it’s nine weeks old. You should be happy.”
I looked at him with so much hate before shouting “Shut up Darey! Shut up your bloody lying mouth! I am not pregnant! And let me not hear a word of this outside this room else, you’re done.”
“What is your problem Lola?! Aren’t you tired of being alone?! Now God has been kind enough to bless you with a gift of child and you’re here rejecting it? How selfish can you get?!”

That enraged me and I stood up as I released the pent up emotion that had been eating me up

“You dare call me selfish? You dare call me selfish?! You who left me for my younger sister dare call me selfish? You’re a sick joke!”
“Really? You think so? Well first, I had no idea she was your sister. Second, what did you expect me to do? We were an item on campus for three years then after graduation, you disappeared without a word. What was I to do Lola? Tell me.”
“Even at that, why did it have to be Tinu? Why?” I shouted again
“Because she healed my heart. She made loving a woman easy for me again. I never even knew she was your sister cos you never introduced me to your family.”

I broke down to the floor and started crying and Darey came around to my side of the bed. He put a hand on my shoulder and said,

“What happened wasn’t anyone’s fault Lola. Maybe God had other plans for us. I don’t regret marring Tinu and I’m sure you’ve been happy with your life just as I am with mine”

I didn’t answer him. I shrugged off his hand from my shoulder and at that point, Tinu walked into the room. I and Dare looked up together and before we could say anything, she went out again and Darey went after her. I couldn’t understand the look I had seen on her face but somehow, I didn’t feel bad that she had possibly heard our conversation. I felt bad for myself; for dragging out long buried corpses from the shadows of my memory

……………………..

Evening

I didn’t go out of my room throughout today. Thankfully, Darey and Tinu had been quiet about the news of my pregnancy so when Mom had brought the pepper soup to my room, I didn’t notice any change in her mood. She had stayed with me for a while after I refused going to the living room for fresh air. She had served me dinner again, avoiding adding any sea food as Darey had advised her. He had told her I was allergic to sea food so she made my dinner with chicken instead.

…………………..

Left alone, I ponder on the news about my pregnancy. How did I miss the signs? I stood up and went to my mirror to properly look at myself. Yes, my flat tummy is same and my body still looked same if not, Mom would have noticed the difference but how did this happen? Yeah, the last time I had had sex without my pills was in October but I had used them as usual in November. how did this happen? Oh no! I’m not ready, I’ve never been ready and I don’t think I’ll ever be ready to be a Mom to some tiny being who’ll be helplessly dependent on me for life. I can’t do this. I have to get rid of this immediately before Mom finds out.

I went back to bed and cried myself to sleep.

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