I woke up this morning feeling refreshed and famished. I immediately jumped off my bed to the bathroom to brush my teeth and as well do my morning facials ritual. You see, I’m a light skinned girl and a lot of people sometimes mistake me for a half caste, kudos to Dad. I look exactly like him, God rest his soul. Dad was really tall, elegant and handsome. He was quite the opposite of Mom who’s plum, dark but tall as well. How they met, I still don’t understand the gist but what I know is, they eloped at the age of nineteen and twenty. Dad had a lot of women suitors, like families who wanted their daughter to marry him but Dad choose Mom, his childhood sweetheart. They had to run away to be together and it was after ten years that they went back to their kinsmen to beg for forgiveness and to marry properly. See why I’ll never understand the gist? I mean, how handsome can a man be to have women suitors?
Anyways, back to me. I’ve got the most beautiful skin ever and trust me, it takes a lot of hard work to maintain it. Every morning, I literally worship my face with amazing skin care products from Estee Lauder and Lancome, my body treats costs a fortune but I don’t mind. Afterwards, I go for a quick run. Unfortunately, Mom’s estate is too small for a run so, I’ll just have to watch what I eat.
When I got to the kitchen, it was already 10:00 am and Mom was fuming with anger. I smiled at her and genuflected in greeting to her. I went straight to the fridge for my veggies salad but when I turned, she was right behind me, collected the plate from me and before I knew it, had thrown the veggies into the trash can. I was shocked but before I could vent, she beat me to the usual game by starting her usual long sermon that always made her feel like the victim of this harassment.
“Kilo n sie Lola?! (what’s wrong with you) I spent time in this kitchen the whole of yesterday, preparing different types of meals for you but you didn’t eat any. Now, you want to come and eat Ugwu (vegetable leaf) and tomatoes like a goat! ” she stopped and then sat down heavily on her kitchen stool lamenting “This girl, ooni pa mi! (you won’t kill me)”
I was really trying hard to control my anger but I couldn’t so I flared up
“But I didn’t ask you to cook for me! I told you I wasn’t gonna eat all that junk you call food!”
At that point, Tinu walked in with a dumbfounded expression on her face before venting as well.
“My God Sister Lola! How can you call Mom’s food junk? She’s only doing what a mother does!”
I lashed back in return “Yeah right Tinu! That’s why you look just like her, FAT! I wonder how Darey keeps up with your weight” I finished and was about storming out of the kitchen but Tinu attacked me in the most vicious way she could.
“That’s why he married me and not someone like you cos there’ll always be something to hold on to. With you, he would have been holding on to thin air!” she stood glaring at me like she was set on a brawl. I was so angry that when I turned around, I bumped into Tj, Tinu’s seven year old son who was coming into the kitchen at that point with a running nose but he hugged me instead when he saw that it was me and shouted,
“Good morning Aunty Lola!”
I was further irritated. That was the last thing I needed; a hug from a child with a running nose. I pushed him off and screamed, “Get away from me!” then I stormed out of the kitchen. Behind me, I could hear Tinu and Mom gasp in shock but I don’t care. I’m already pissed. I mean, how could they both gang up on me and attack me that way. Is it by force to eat your mother’s food? And to worsen it, get a clingy, slimy hug from a child. Gosh! I hate kids. I never even want to have them. Jeff had said on countless occasions how much he wanted to have at least three kids with me and I had simply laughed at him. That one is just fooling himself. Me! Children?!
I went into my room had a cold bath to let off steam, dressed up and left the house for a drive. A drive around the neighborhood will definitely do me some good.
I was driving into the compound when I heard my name but I ignored the caller cos I knew who it was. Mama Ireti is our neighbor from the next building and I dislike her with a passion cos she’s a satelite dish with antennas that’s always sniffing for news. She called my name again and again from where she sat at her balcony then I gave in. I turned around threw her a quick greeting before hurrying away but the old witch wouldn’t let me go. She stood up and rested her elbows on the rails of the balcony before asking,
“Lola omo da da, bawo lowa? Oko nko? Omo nko?” (Lola my good child, how are you? what about your husband and children?)
“They are fine Mama. Thank you” I replied and made to move again but she continued
“But you did not come with them na. I saw you when you arrived yesterday.” she said in her rich English accent. Her husband’s actually wealthy with all their five kids abroad so, she lived on the business of the neighborhood to survive from dying of boredom.
Exasperated already by the small talk, I quickly answered, “They’ll come Ma. Ese Ma” and I literally ran into the house before she remembered that the black Toyota Land Cruiser Prado jeep I brought home this time wasn’t the same as the white 2015 Infiniti Jeep I had brought home last year.
When I got inside the house, I went straight to the dinning where Mom had again laid the table for my meal. This time, I ate the freshly prepared catfish pepper soup and some oranges for desert. Then I went to my room to do some work on my laptop. I’m not talking to Tinu just yet. She has to apologize to me first and then, peace can reign.
I had watched E! and some drama series on Ebony Life Tv after replying my mails, made some calls and checked the figures for the proceeds of last week’s sales from my fish farm. My Manager was doing a great job and even if I hadn’t been there in the last three months because of my numerous official trips abroad, every report he sent was accurate. Of course, he can’t cheat me, he knows I’ll find out as the financial guru that I am.
Mom had also come into my room earlier to talk to me about making peace with Tinu but I had refused. Like seriously people, why should I even apologize to anyone at all? What I said was right! If she wasn’t eating too much, she wouldn’t be overweight! Period! She has to come and apologize for insulting me about my marital status. In fact, I don’t even want to think about it.
My phone is ringing and Jeff is calling again. This man. You keep violating the rules. Don’t call me till I want to call you, but you won’t listen. You’re on your own Jeff. I’m not answering.
The phone rang like five more times and then I picked.
“What part of “don’t call me” don’t you understand Jeff?” I barked into the receiver
“Hey sweet pea! How are you and how did it go today?” his deep calm voice boomed into my ears
“Listen Jeff, I’m not in the mood for sweetness. My day was sour”
“You quarreled with your Mom and Tinu right?” he asked amused
“And how would you know that?” I was indeed surprised
“Well, that’s what always happens on every second day of your twelve days visit to them Lolly.” he laughed
“This is so not funny Jeff.” I fumed but he was right. It had become a routine I can’t even keep count.
“Listen Babe, go and make peace with them and stop calling Tinu ‘Fat’ cos she isn’t okay” he sounded serious now
“But she’s a size ten and to me, that’s extremely fat!” I’m pissed again that he’s taking their side
“Lolly, whatever. Just make peace with her okay?”
“I’ll do it at my own time. You don’t tell me what to do Jeff.”
“Okay. I love you Sweet Pea.”
“Noted. Bye” and I hung up but I heard him chuckle at the end
I’m not apologizing shit to Tinu.
Then I remembered little Tj. Poor him. He had also been at the receiving end of my wrath. I’ll have to make up for it somehow. I have to make it up to him. I wouldn’t want to have nightmares of some bitter kid chasing me with a toy gun. I’ll think up a surprise for him tomorrow. Talking about tomorrow, it had better be drama free. But who knows? With my family, something crazy always comes up.